1. Summer finally arrived and when I wasn’t at work, I was chasing a tiny stupid white ball around a golf course with my husband, trying to finally establish a handicap. For those of you who are interested, I am trending towards a 538.
2. Speaking of work, I have been doing a lot of that.
3. I had writer’s block.
As I believe I have observed here previously, my writer’s block is usually the result of too much happiness and too little controversy in my life. Like many other great scribes with whom I rank myself (Ernest Hemingway, Edgar Allan Poe, and Danielle Steel), sadness, struggles and personal drama tend to bring out the best in my writing. Fortunately and unfortunately, things have been relatively groovy lately, and my greatest driving creative force (the length to which I can be annoyed) has been tempered for the past several weeks.
Luckily, today I am annoyed. Here, let me share:
Tuesday evening, many lawyers in Portland received an email regarding a CLE or some other such nonsense. Unfortunately, one technologically obtuse recipient decided they no longer wanted to be a part of this list (which I don’t think any of us signed up for), so they hit “reply all” and asked to unsubscribe.
In a tsunami of stupidity, suddenly lawyer after lawyer began to do the same. After receiving roughly ten of these emails, I hit “reply all” and said the following:
“I'd like to continue to subscribe but hear from all of you who want to unsubscribe. Please reply all.”
Now, if you are reading my blog, that means you are a person who enjoys humor, more specifically, the irreverent and sarcastic sort. Frankly, I have little time for people who do not appreciate that sort of comedy. Usually, those folks are tedious, haven’t changed their hairstyle in 30 years, and tend to wear sensible shoes and elastic waist pants.
One nice result from my message was how many responses I got back thanking me for making an otherwise ridiculous and annoying email event funny. I heard from people I haven’t seen or talked to in years, and made a few new friends as well. It was a great example of making lemon drops out of lemons (who wants lemonade?).
However, one person let it be known she did not appreciate my jocularity. In fact, she took time out of what I assume is a busy day of administering justice (she’s a judge) to write me the following:
“You may think it amusing to encourage everyone who has been spammed with this email, to continue to spam everyone else with "unsubscribe" messages, but I assure you it is not amusing. You are certainly free to encourage others to fill up your email account with useless and irrelevant emails, so if you wish to be copied on "unsubcribe" (sic) messages, feel free to invite copies to you specifically. Suggesting, even in fun, that others 'reply all' when you already are well aware of the consequences is irresponsible and obnoxious.”
Now, I am not going to name names here. I really do try to protect people’s identity when they act in a manner that betrays their high degree of boringness, which is the most unforgivable of character traits. However, I will note that being called “obnoxious” without irony by someone who screwed over a friend and neighbor to get elected is slightly ridiculous. It’s like the Divorce Lawyer Who Shall Not Be Named calling the new wife who has worked since she was 14 and earns a great living “expensive to maintain” while simultaneously representing the former wife who has never supported herself or anyone else. It’s funny, but in a sad way, because it shows such a lack of self-awareness.
"I think you are ugly!"
That being said, I take great umbrage at her accusation that my message was not amusing. She went so far as to “assure” me that my message was not amusing. You can call me obnoxious and you can call me irresponsible. Hell, you can even call me a bitch or a variety of other unpleasant things (except “expensive to maintain,” of course) - it really doesn’t bother me. But how dare this woman accuse me of not being funny?
See, funny is my thing. I’m not especially attractive, I can’t play chess, and as far as golf goes, I can drive the ball 240 yards but my short game lacks finesse, to put it politely. Actually, my short game sucks, and it isn’t unusual for me to go from trap to trap in an effort to land on the green. I’m working on it with the love of my husband and some help from a sports psychiatrist.
Everyone with any sort of a personality is known for something, and I am generally regarded as having a splendid sense of humor. Frankly, I am fucking hilarious. I’m the life of the party and have a knack for coming up with clever and insightful insults at a moment’s notice. I have mastered the art of the pun (for which crime I belong in the punitentiary for punishment – ha!). I once saw a group of children outside a daycare center running amok while their caretaker tried to corral them, and I spontaneously noted to my friend that we were witnessing a coup de toddler. My husband says my sense of humor is what drew him to me when we first met (that, and my supermodel looks and weight of 115).
OK??? Get it? Don’t ever, EVER accuse me of un-amusingness. Now that is obnoxious. Her Honor probably also found my reply to her obnoxious, in which I suggested she take a walk and try to locate her sense of humor. I think she's still walking...
On a lighter note, Tom and I just returned from Tucson, where we visited JT for Parents’ Weekend. Here are some photos from that trip:
This bobcat was on my 9th tee box. There is an incredibly inappropriate joke there, but even I can't bring myself to put it in writing.
8 comments:
She is right, folks. I've known her for YEARS, and she has always been funny. In fact, my husband coined the term "Robinism" just for her. If you are obtuse, it means a pun only Robin could craft.
The world needs more Robin and less bitchy, un-funny emailing lawyers.
WE are not amused. Naturally, that's the royal WE. Ms. Descamp, you should hope you never find yourself in front of OUR bench.
As one of the four people in this world who (a) reads your blog, (b) was on that frakkin' listserv, and (c) knows the identity of the judge in question, I give this a screaming thumbs up! I also think you should have reprinted your full response. It was soooo snarky (and the other three readers would've loved it).
I thank goodness for that listserv. Otherwise, I wouldn't have my new pal Robin - who enjoys booze and making fun of things as much as I do!
By the way, I love the picture of the bobcat. The one of the cougar isn't bad either!
Mr. Poon (if that is indeed your real name):
I'll have you know that 27 people read my blog. 27! That's more readers than Sarah Palin brain cells - so there.
My full response to Judge Bah Humbug is here:
"I've received roughly thirty responses from people who thought it was funny. Take a deep breath, walk around the block, and while you are outside take a look for your sense of humor.
Come to think of it, never mind. You clearly have not been blessed with one. Enjoy your day!"
I appreciate your comments, Arnold. Clearly you are a clever sort. I look forward to you becoming my Follower #28. If you take the necessary actions to follow the blog officially, I will buy you a carrot cake or something.
I'll get my gal Frieda on signing up for the blog. It'd be an honor to be among the top 30. I just hope I get in before that risque Mr. Poon (if that is indeed his real name).
Ms. Palin does seem to have the same intelligence of a small kitchen appliance. Her child-naming rights should be taken away.
We've got an office pool going on you. The over-under on you re-upping for Facebook is December 3rd.
Thank you for posting your full response to the judge. Asbestos I can tell, she thinks she's impotent and you really gave her the learned backhand!
Oh, THAT judge!! What's that they say about living in glass houses?
For sure, buy your new admirer a carrot cake, but not any Tang to go with it.
I knew this would catch on in a big way (the whole blog, I mean.) Forced to leave an anonymous comment earlier because of chronic password-forgetting-disease, I now publicly announce my appreciation of this hilarious contribution to the oft-a-waste blogosphere. Forget the recipes and stick with humor, though that curry is really good.
I love it when you're annoyed! It makes for such good writing. Madam Judge needs to spend less time judging and more time getting some.
Robean,
I pray that you are less annoyed than last week. A little judge-induced vexation goes a long way.
I have it on good counsel that Mr. Poon is allergic to carrot cake. He leans more toward a three-olive martini.
Have an enjoyable, safe weekend. I'm taking Mandy to the toga party at the Delta House. Otis Day & the Nights will be there.
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